President Joe Biden must have listened to Tony Keith’s popular song, “Don’t Let the Old Man In.” I have added a link to it below. Last night his State of the Union Address” is regarded as his best speech ever by a good many Democratic viewers. It contained concrete examples of his accomplishments and a hyper engaging style with the Maga Republicans in their inappropriate behavior as he was giving his address. He baited them and they predictably fell for it. Biden depended on facts and passion whereas the hecklers depended on yet another performance. The follow up from the designated Republican representatives was short on policy and long on rage.
There has been a lot of conversation about his possible run for reelection at such an old age; however, he seemed last night to be in control of his vision coupled with wisdom. Whether it be in Hollywood or other sanctuaries promoting the young, we have always been a culture fascinated by age.
It actually started back in biblical days. It was controversial then as it is now. According to the Bible Methuselah lived 969 years, Noah 950 years, and Adam 930 years. There are three views that you could have regarding these long periods of life. It is literally true. The ages represent ages of clans or that there was a different way of calculating years.
So, we are not the only culture that is captivated by age. There is an important line in Toby Keith’s song that can be instrumental in how we live our lives. “How old would you be if you didn’t know the day that you were born?” It is linked to a question that I raised in my ethics class. If you knew that you had just a day to live, what would you do? I ask the question in a different way to couples during premarital counseling. What is your idea of the perfect evening and you have all the money in the world to honor your request?
Answers to the above questions can tell us a lot about living our lives. It may surprise you that when I ask this question of adolescents in ethics class that their response is mostly that they would choose to spend their time remaining with their family and friends. Likewise, when I ask the question of an ideal evening to a couple in premarital counseling, they usually talk about starting out with a shared activity such as a meal or a movie and then a quiet dinner out or at home. This certainly fits one of the important steps of happiness in positive psychology that is the importance of engagement with others.
The most recent example of a study that highlights the above importance of relationships leading to happiness was done by a psycniatrist Dr. Waldinger at Harvard. It has gotten a lot of news time. I have posted his Ted Talk 2015 below. Let’s get back to that haunting question, “How old would you be if you didn’t know the day that you were born?” The song by Toby Keith, the country western singer, was inspired by the life of Clint Eastwood. He was playing golf with Eastwood when Eastwood told him that he would be eighty- eight on the next Monday. Keith asked him what he was going to do. Eastwood told him that he was going to start shooting a movie. Keith asked him what keeps him going. Eastwood said, “I get up every day and don’t let the old man in.”
There is a sacred connection between that song and the science of happiness summarized in positive psychology as engagement and the findings of the Harvard Study.
I think that there is a sacred connection that determines our response to how old we would feel if we didn’t know our age. We enter into all sorts of relationships with others, casual and otherwise. I believe a particular kind of relationship sets our age for us. As is indicated in the song for that connection is living a life that is “my body’s weathered and worn.”
I believe that there is a correlation between when we think we were born and specific characteristics of relationships that that we had then or began at that time that leads to happiness that Waldinger describes in his expansive study.
Relationships that set our age in our memories contain the grace of God sometimes stated as “there but for the grace of God go I.” Grace is when we expect punishment and instead are given forgiveness. Even though human nature directs us to give a little to get a lot, relationships that set our age are not transactional. They are relationships where we have the ability to put another’s needs ahead of our own which is the definition of maturity. It can be as simple as letting your spouse if you are married choose what TV station program you watch. The big things are the little things. What sets our age in time is when we inconvenience ourselves for others. We all value that and young people pay close attention to people who do that for them. Last but not least, relationships that set our age are when we do works of supererogation where we go above and beyond the call of duty. Jesus expressed this as, “If anyone sues you to take away your coat, let them have your cloak also.” Matthew 5:20
If you go through the exercise to respond to the question of “How old you would be not knowing the day you were born,” look to see if that is when you learned the secret to happiness through the relationships described above.
I won’t tell you my age not knowing when I was born. Those who know me well could take some educated guesses. Let’s not forget the other important part, “my body’s weathered and worn.” I choose to be drawn to people who have been through “something” which is most people. You don’t have to be the “old man or woman.” to experience this. I know adolescents who are weathered and worn.
Everyone is concerned about Joe Biden running because of his age. I would vote for him in a heartbeat because he checks many of the boxes in the relationships mentioned above. There are so many stories that capture his experience including showing up at a funeral for a Jewish woman in Delaware who gave eight dollars to his campaign when he began his political career.
I can think of few people who “have been weathered and worn” than the President with his failure to win elections for the presidency. His losses of family members are imprinted on his soul. I know the Biden family as several of their members attended EA. I talked with his brother, Jim, when Beau died, asking him to send my condolences to his brother. If you didn’t know when he was born, how old would he be? When I asked Joe Biden to come to EA when he was a Senator, he talked about the need for relationships in Congress that I have described above linking us to our age. I believe he would be younger than anyone currently serving in Washington.
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