There are conventional people that have helped others through many emotional traumas. They are usually a psychiatrist, psychologist, clergyperson, bartender, to name just a few who are sought out for a listening ear. After my retirement from a challenging life as Head Chaplain of a school community with many people who suffered from problems that could be seen in any culture from challenging to very challenging.
This is summarized by a psychologist who ran a practice with whom I entered our school into a formal relationship as a first in our school’s experience to meet the needs of people in our community by bolstering our advisory program. The heart of care was the faculty’s advisory relationship with students. It was key to a students’ well-being. When they were with us for a short period of time, the head of the practice called me and said, “when are you going to send us some easy situations.”
Our goal at EA was to give the very best care to our families. This became known along the mainline. I consulted about what we were doing with other schools. After I retired I had too many surgeries, partnered with a former head of an Episcopal boarding school to help schools find the perfect match when they were hiring a Chaplain, and wrote a memoir. I was still hearing from alumni who needed assistance, so I was a busy guy, but something was missing. I have been blessed with a great physical therapist who keeps me moving as I have always run and placed a high value on fitness. He also has been my psychiatrist!
One day I was being worked on by him, I said that there was one thing that was bothering me. Everybody who knows me knows that absence of respect for me and others is my hot button.
I went on to mention to him that although it was a large community I always tried to get back to folks who called or emailed me within 24 hours. Everyone deserved that kind of respect. I told him that now I get fewer calls and emails that I was not use to. Everyone knew that my responses were never about chit chat as I had no time for that. I was all business. My phone wasn’t ringing as much, and I didn’t have to periodically delete a full mailbox of emails. I shared that with my PT guy and in a millisecond, he commented, “You don’t have something that they need!” He hit the nail on the head. I am at my best when I am in the middle of tough decisions, difficult people, and problematic situations. For the most part they are still there but much less in number! That was what I had to get use to and enjoy some time with family and to write.
This is “need” at a micro level. Let’s look at it from a macro level and the current close race for the presidency. Trump does not need to help others. He does not need to respect others. He only needs adulation and power and disrespects anyone who would point out his inadequacies. “Only I can save our nation from the left wing.” “Harris is stupid!” “Biden is the worst president ever.” He has never made friends with decency, yet he is in a tied race to the White House. His behavior matches that of Hitler such as his recent statements that the migrants have bad genes, the erroneous attitude of eugenics and a desire for a pure race like us white people. He referred to the ideal as the Aryan Race, white blue eyed, blond haired people.
But the problem is what 70% of people who live paycheck to paycheck need which is money and safety. The ultimate buy one, get one free card. You got money that means you will be safe from external pressures. He promises the moon and “concepts of a plan” are like food to a hungry person. He fulfills their need for safety with his unbridled attacks on immigrants and he will make a woman’s life better “like nobody has ever seen.”
Needs are tricky like a two-edged sword. They can cut both ways. Needs can help someone or create a hell on earth. Trump knows this. He is a walking and talking salesman of hurt, division, and disrespect! He doesn’t care who he will hurt. He flashes that buy one get one free deal of money for your pocket and safety everywhere he goes.
Deborah Tannen, Gender Studies scholar at Georgetown, did research on women running for public office. What she learned is that voters need only like a man’s policies and can despise his behavior, however, you must like a woman as well as like her policies to vote for her. Trump’s belittling of Harris feeds a negative image of his competitor. That’s why I am concerned about the next election.
But there is more! The need for safety and food (money) are the primordial entities that have been with us since the dawn of time when we wandered on the plains. It’s part of our moral evolution. That need is at the heart of the matter to stay alive. Later, came civility which we needed to get along with everyone and not kill off the species.
Vote!
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