“Don’t call Saul (The TV Lawyer)!" You don’t need a lawyer for all of Trump’s illegal actions. You need to call a therapist to understand why Trump is forgiven by so many of his followers for his actions when his actions and words are terrible. Why do they support him in that way? That is the question that people want answered. He has demeaned the military recently calling out to Nikki Haley, “Where is your husband?” He was serving his country in the National Guard. We wouldn’t want our children to be like him or be around him. He is under indictment for egregious actions. Yet, his actions are loved by his followers. How come? Perception equals reality. People essentially enter therapy when their perceptions of the world in which they live don’t confirm to reality. An example would be a person who saw herself as stupid and went to elite college after college where she had superior grades. She finally had to admit that she was gifted. I am still in communication with her.
A therapist also helps a person understand what is going on so that they can move forward. That is what this blog is about. We need to understand, not agree with, why Trump has followers with little funds who send in donations to pay for his legal fees. When things don’t make sense, a therapist will always pay attention to what is underneath actions. We are like detectives finding the genesis of the client’s distortions.
Perception equals reality. In my most recent blog I made the comment that “tough people don’t have to act tough.” They send off a vibe that indicates that they will not tolerate disrespect of themselves or others. But it is not done by words. Two faculty/coaches and I would frequently have lunch together, one was the football coach and the other the basketball coach. Later at an alumni gathering, a former student said to me that students knew that “they would be crazy to mess with any of you three.” My family underscores this vibe. You can take a person out of tough working-class culture but you can’t take that working class culture out of the person. Toughness is a vibe without words.
In 38 years, I never had a discipline problem in a classroom or anywhere else. Words don’t change people. Vibe does. Trump possesses something referred to as reaction formation in counseling where he knows who he really is but communicates the opposite. It Is like the imposter syndrome. Forbes magazine had an article about this psychological aspect that it is the fear that you are not as effective as people think you are. It is why Trump is always creating the mystique that he is an effective businessman and winner when the opposite is in fact true. Studies support this in the study of bullying. A bully such as Trump is not a position of strength. It reflects their low self-esteem and failure to feel that they belong. Notice that he is one person at his rallies and quite another when confronted by real people of high self-esteem. It is why Nikki Haley calls him out to speak to her face to face.
When Trump’s people hear Trump’s audacity, it comes across unfortunately as strength. Age is now an issue with Trump and Biden but more so with the peoples’ perception of Biden, Garland, and Blinken. They come across as weak. No one would have challenged Biden when he was in the Senate but he is perceived differently now. It is seen in Biden’s failure to support the international view that Israel is wrong in their current attacks on Gaza. Our leaders talk and Netanyahu does not respond. There are no consequences. Perception of strength is what is important to Trump’s followers for, rightly or wrongly, they see him as strong man who will get results. But his followers are going through so much in their daily life, losing so much, that they are in a form of a grief process where you only remember the good things or good aspects of a person or quality of life that you have lost. “Make America Great Again.”
What is it like to be a follower of Trump? There are two issues involved and both relate to class regardless where you are on the social ladder and, of course, a common denominator is money and power. I will always look for where money is impacting a client because it is part of human nature. It can take the form of pure power. Isabel Wilkinson wrote about it using the vehicle of racism in the best book that Oprah ever read, Caste. It is human nature to want to be above another. Men are subject to this feeling more than women. Gender studies reflect that people are concerned with status. Trump is so insecure that recently Taylor Swift was getting too much attention. Trump posted that he alone is responsible for her success because of a law that he had passed giving more financial rights to certain musicians.
Biden’s proclamations about how well he has made the nation and the world better is accurate, that is good for the economists and Wall Street. But because of the lag time of getting to reduce prices, particularly food prices, it doesn’t hit the family at the dinner table. They see what lack of money means to them so paradoxically he is seen as a liar and Trump’s proclamations as truth. People respond to what is in front of them. I know this from personal experience. Money is always on peoples’ minds but it is more front and center in low and middle-class culture because for people in working class culture, it is always in front of you. In Upper class culture not so much unless you are wondering to how to get more. Money is a variable. For those around today’s working class families’ tables it is a constant in the peoples’ minds.
When my father had his stroke and couldn’t work for a year, I would ask my mother weekly “How’s the money?” 60% of a little each week given from the union is not much. Some weeks I didn’t have to ask because there were more of the servings of mush, a cornmeal pudding that that you leave to harden, and Mrs. Paul’s frozen foods. I knew what that meant without asking. I was so involved with studying, sports, and being in student leadership at my high school that I couldn’t wait until summer where I lied about my age and went to work at the Krylon Paint Factory in Norristown loading skids. I hid all of this from my high school classmates. When my classmates read my memoir, they were angry that I never let anyone know. Why? I was so embarrassed by the struggle that my family and I were in. Embarrassment is a feeling that we will do anything to keep to ourselves. That is what many of Trump supporters feel when they look across their dinner table at their children.
Why then don’t Trump’s followers turn against him for living in a palatial dwelling? It is the same reason why drug dealers live with their mothers. The drug dealer wants the Cadillac that the head guy is driving around. Trump’s lifestyle is an addiction to what those around the dinner table want. Think dinner table. Not jobs total. There is a relatively new movement in psychology called behavioral economics which is how money affects behavior. Biden and his team should read Freakonomics written by an economist at the University of Chicago. It sold 4 million copies.
I have had a significant number of parents in counseling who grew up with little and now who are affluent who still feel poor. It is the “depression era syndrome” where you are fearful that one missed step will take you back to those days. They overstock everything. They are in Trump’s mix as well. Rightly or wrongly money equals status. This is another reason people vote for Trump.
David Callahan, author of The Cheating Culture did extensive research reflecting that when push comes to shove, people will choose money over integrity. The less sense of having money or a desire for much more of it drives this process.
It is clear that Trump is a narcissist who thinks only of himself and makes sure that everything should be about him. Narcissism is about protecting a fragile ego, but people with it also have high social emotional intelligence. That results in their being charmers using actions that get them affirmation. That is attractive to Trump’s followers. Narcissists are prone to projection since they don’t take responsibility for their actions. Recently Trump said Pelosi never called in the National Guard. If she did that there would have been no “riot.” The reality is that Trump refused to call them in and he is the only one who could.
What’s the answer? Get the question right! The answer is often in the question what would you need if you were faced with a serious dilemma with your back against the wall? What would you need from a political leader or a therapist? We are responsible for our actions. What I need in tough situations is to experience the vibe.
A friend called me about a surgeon we know who is a good friend of mine as well. The friend said, “Boy, did you ever meet someone as strong and self-assured as him?" I don’t know what my friend thought I would say in response to his criticism. I always have people ask two questions of a surgeon. One, how many surgeries of this nature have you done. But two, which is more important, does he or she communicate a powerful sense of being strong and self-assured! I don’t want words. I want that vibe!
That’s true for patients and unfortunately for Trump’s followers who listen to his words and bullying. Go for the vibe not the bullying words. Vibe often occurs without words. Students are masters of detecting the vibe because of their stage of development. I am afraid that we have met the enemy and it is us! This is true for therapy as well. We become our own worst enemy which needs to be identified and addressed to have a happier life with purpose. That’s true for our nation as well with a lot on the line.
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