Kamala Harris has spoken on many occasions about the impact of her mother’s life on her, particularly as a single parent. I would say that it is part of her soul! It shaped her and underscores part of her identity.
The power of black women in our culture is seen in so many ways revealing how that power influences their children, the black male in particular. One of the major papers I wrote while at Duke was “The Existential Nature of Intentional Time in Black Women.” The paper was written based on my experience caring for and counseling black women undergoing the most difficult challenges. In short, they didn’t worry about the past that they couldn’t change, and they sought to get as much from each day as they possibly could. The future was “not yet” so their focus on the now gave them an unbelievably strong presence communicating that they were someone special, strong enough to take on any future challenges. Existentialism is paradoxical, living in the now assists taking on future challenges. That was their “vibe” and certainly they meant business if you interfered in the life of their son or daughter in a negative way.
This was always on my mind when I was the advisor at EA of many black students particularly males, but one story sticks out to make my point that the Harris campaign needs to get black males to the polls and the way to do that is not necessarily going to be done even by President Obama giving them a stern warming. Obama has written as well about the power of the woman in black culture. The message is, bring the black mothers on board and make the obvious pitch to them to act on their power with their sons.
I have many stories to back up this theory just as I did with the Duke Study that I presented, but one story comes first to my mind. I was the advisor of a black student who was one of the toughest kids in our school. His father had died in an accident early on, so he was being raised by a single mom. Just as EA was a culture shift for me, it was certainly a culture shift for him.
I almost never called a parent about a student, but I was afraid that this student might not walk at graduation, so it was a constant equation of balancing support with accountability. One night he arrived at my home for dinner time, and I asked him to join us, He said that he wasn’t there for dinner. He was there because someone stole his Walkman, and he knew who it was, and he knew I would prevent him from going after the kid in question. Instead, we just talked it out until he settled down. His anger was justified. The Walkman magically appeared when the student who stole it knew that someone had told him who took it. There were other moments where his anger came out. Fortunately, he got release from playing sports, but I was convinced that I should get his mother on board to join in the effort for him to do well and graduate.
If I had to call home to involve the parent in supporting my role with their son or daughter, I always let the student know what I would be doing, or trust would go out the window. He didn’t say a word!
I called his mother. There was a long silence when I finished my pitch to get her to help me help him to be less combative with others. I waited in the discomfort of the silence, and she finally said, “Reverend, the school’s problems with my son are over.” That was it! I thanked her. My advisee had told her about me, so she knew that I was on his side. Otherwise, I am sure there would be a different response.
He and I didn’t bring up the conversation that I had with his mother, but his challenging behavior was checked. He gained in his control of his emotions realizing that his response to situations was the important aspect of want he wanted for an outcome. His mother reached out to me later to see if he was still behaving. I obviously could not see her face on the phone, but I am sure that she had a smile of certainty.
I didn’t meet his mother until graduation night. I am 6’ 1”. His mother was 5 feet tall and a tiny lady. Her son was by her side. It was quite a contrast in size and bulk. I thought she would be as big as a professional football player for that is the power that she communicated on the phone. She smiled and said, “We are certainly proud of ________ tonight!” However, as the three of us stood there and looked at one another, we all knew through our smiles that the “we” wasn’t me. It was “her.” What a great moment for the three of us. Today that student is a school principal.
So, President Obama and Kamala Harris put your effort where it really will do the most good to accomplish your goal to get black men to vote. Appeal to black mothers. I know one guy and his mother who will be voting for Kamala!
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